Top Five Impossible Decks

These decks don’t and won’t exist—but we sure wish they did.

Top Five Impossible Decks

The quality Air-Cushion™ finish of Bicycle® Brand cards is famous for being easy to use, shuffle, and manipulate. And while we know absolutely none of these cards follow that standard, we still dream of the day technology (and cost effectiveness) makes it possible to own such a deck.

Holographic Deck. Who cares about how the cards feel in your hand when a computer could read your hand motions and let you deal, shuffle, flourish, or play however you want? We imagine this deck would look like Tony Stark’s workroom generated it—a bit glow-y, able to be enlarged or shrunk, also able to be tossed across the room. The best part? Instant, truly random shuffling. Thanks, computers!

Glass Decks. This would be neat for show more than for playing, but just imagine a playing card big as your smart phone with rounded edges, an etched, intricate rider back on one side, and etched pips on the other. Could you shuffle them? Nope! Would they make excellent coasters and paperweights, assuming they were thicker than, say, a microscope slide? Absolutely.

Leaf Deck. Chinese writer Su E writes about a “leaf game” in the 10th century in reference to playing cards. But wouldn’t it be nifty to have a deck made out of actual leaves? The broad, flat surfaces of maple, sycamore, and elm leaves would be a great place to start. Ink could be printed on the leaf, or a stylus could gently etch the symbols on it. This deck would probably last about two shuffles before falling to bits, and about a day or two before drying out and crumbling—but they’d be great for outdoor enthusiasts everywhere.

Bubble Wrap Deck. This deck falls in the single-use category, but good grief, it would be fun while it lasted. Each pip and number could be its own bubble, and the rider back would consist of many perfectly linked bubbles. The fun of popping each and every bubble would more than make up for the fact that they’d be a nightmare to shuffle, since stacking all those bubbles would surely yield a pile a few feet tall.

Bacon Deck. Take a slice of bacon, cut it in half, then hold the pieces up side-by-side. That’s roughly the size of a playing card, right? Seems logical. So here’s the question: Why hasn’t someone made this happen yet? A deck you can use while waiting for breakfast, then that becomes breakfast—assuming everyone gets to keep the cards they touch, of course. On second thought, ew.

If anything on this list is possible and practical, it’s the holographic deck. But until Stark Industries shows up, we’ll just have to settle for paper.

What about you? What’s your idea for a completely ridiculous deck?

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